Rising above R.A.C.I.S.M

Monday, 21 September 2015

Hey there lovies

Racism isn't extinct yet.

I, like a lot of people, have obviously experienced racism at one point or the other. Just like any other person, black or white. People have asked 'Tee, have you ever been racially abused'? Sometimes I choose to smile and ward off the question.

I just thought about some of my experiences and decided to share. Here we go;

I was at a crossing, waiting for cars to stop before stepping into the road. Now I don't always expect cars to stop because.. .well because. So there I stood, and this car was fast approaching the crossing, I looked towards the car to ascertain whether the speed was slowly decreasing. He slowed down a bit to let a lady (of a different skin color) cross the road. As I was about to cross, from nowhere comes this guy's middle finger towards me with a very intense negative facial expression to match. He literally held this middle finger up in the air all the way and even moved it to the side as he drove past me. 
I wasn't quite sure of the emotional state I was in - I was furious and at the same time sad. I couldn't do anything really. It was hard to challenge this man because he was in motion. I couldn't put my middle finger up because I don't do such and I don't use swear words. My eyes filled with tears as much as I can recall. I had had a long day but that aside, I just feel really hurt when such happens. I crossed over to the other side and walked away and let it go with the wind.

I can't help but think that if I felt so hurt because he put the middle finger much more did Jesus feel when he was crucified?
If this particular guy walks up to me and asks me for a favor, I'm certain I'll grant him (That's exactly how Christ is to us),but I'm human. I might retalitate unconsciously.

One of my colleagues at work once saw something I owned, and said Wow! How can you afford that? Bear in mind, this is a very basic thing like a phone but not exactly a phone. I had to have a double take...I did give her the appropriate response so not to worry about that. Let's just say she won't get the chance to ask such question ever again. 

One of the most ridiculous questions I've had in recent years - "Oh you speak very good English"? WHAT?! That just sounds odd to me. Again, I do respond appropriately to'll have to be present to judge the response. For instance, saying to me there's nothing called 'treated' but its 'tret'. *sigh*

Not everyone is racist, don't get me wrong but obviously some are both white and black.

Some guy once came to fix the meter and he spoke with Teewai over the phone but I was the one who let him in. Then he said to me -The lady I spoke with on the phone sounded like a coloured lady? I didn't know whether to address him on the "coloured lady" bit or let it slide. I wasn't sure if he was being funny or not - I didn't want to be tagged as defensive so I swerved.
Being called the 'Coloured lady' instead of your actual name when they actually know your actual name. Being shut down when you're the only 'coloured or non-coloured' one in a group of the opposite colour. Not a nice experience. 
A friend of mine once said to me that she's built a thick wall against racism. To be honest, I have too.

I hope racism continues to fade rather than people having to develop thick skin against it.
I hope the future generations learn to accept each other regardless of their culture and differences.

My experience of racism will not make me racist. 
The bible says: (I paraphrase) If your haters are in need, meet that need, by so doing you heap burning coals on their heads and the Lord will reward you (Proverbs 25. 21-22).

I choose to Rise Above Racism.

What do you choose?

Love always,

Missy Tee.

Six Lessons Learnt About Relationships

Tuesday, 7 July 2015

Hey There Everyone!
It's been forever, I know I know. I apologise, that was an inevitable hiatus.

So this post has been on my mind for over a month. I had my hands full hence why I couldn't type this before now.
Let's get into it! I can feel Chantel coming in on this post.

We've all had lessons learnt from previous relationships/potential relationships and even current ones. I regard them as very meaningful lessons. I've had numerous conversations with my girl from way back also known as partner-in-crime Teewai, who also contributed, in fact she thought up this post. Thanks Bae!
So I'm going to share six lessons learnt...

1) Communication: This is very important. Sometimes I say so much and sometimes its a struggle to pick a topic to talk about. I guess I can tag this as the moment when I just want to sit next to the person and enjoy their company. #noteverytimetalksometimesenjoycompany :-D . So yeah I'm guilty of being too quiet at times. I have learnt to speak more, this is work in progress.

2) Apologising: Now this one does it for me. I always say to myself, if I claim to love someone, then I should be able to swallow my pride and apologise even when I'm right and they're wrong. Although sometimes I stand my ground , but when its only going to spiral into an endless argument where we can't look each other in the eye. Then is it really worth waiting for the wrong one to realise that they are wrong then they apologise? Trust me, some won't apologise even when they realise they're wrong. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying ALWAYS be the one to say sorry when you're right and they're wrong. There's a thin line between being silly and being smart here. All I'm saying is weigh the situation and go from there. If you're wrong, own up and apologise. Either way, it should never be difficult for you to say sorry. A guy or lady that can swallow his/her pride and apologise even when he/she is wrong? He/she's a keeper! One of the qualities of husband material for me *ahem* LOL! 

3) Occupying the post of partner: I listened to Pastor Sola Fola-Alade a few weeks ago...his church is somewhere in London. He said You're just an element if you find yourself simply occupying a particular space and not being valued. It is easy to feel like you're just a partner when you practically have to prompt your other half about things. For example, you have to prompt them to visit you, you have to feed them all the information you feel they should ask about, you have to nudge them to do things. I mean come on, Christ didn't die for that! If you feel that you're simply occupying space? Speak with your partner, if its not working then...sweetheart I'm sure you know what to do. You're not a piece of furniture darling!

4) External Influence: Now when your relationship is based on the opinion of other men or women, you are on a rocky road. Get your Hummer out! Never base your relationship or thoughts about your partner on other people's opinion . Always ask your partner about that particular thing rather than just assume that they are just like others. For example, Darl! Easter is around the corner, would you like to do anything or blah blah, rather than say my (friends) other guys or girls said they don't really spend Easter together because it is not a couple's holiday! Right! Okay. That's fine but they are not me or you so err yeah? If this is happening to you, again talk about it or better still explain and set these boundaries at the beginning. This is a big thing for me, very very. First time it happened, I wanted to explode. Haha! Anyway, I learnt to always make a relationship tailor-made.

5) Understanding: Never "tolerate" your partner, rather understand them. I can't remember who I heard that from. I don't want to tolerate my partner because that means I would rather not be with them. I want to understand them for who they are and why they do things a certain way. However, when your partner makes it hard for you to understand them then yeah that is something. I have learnt that I need to understand rather than tolerate my partner-when he does show up!

6) Boundaries and Goals: Set these at the beginning of your relationship. They help avoid those surprises and arguments down the line. They also help define what the relationship is and why you are in it. I missed this the first time round so this definitely taught me a lesson. It is very helpful and keeps everyone in line.

Like Pastor Paul A said, don't stick with the wrong one because you feel you can't find the right one. Don't be unhappy because you feel you can't be happy if you let go. The bible says there is no fear in love, perfect love casteth out fear (1John4.18). Never ever feel scared in a relationship or scared to step out of an unpleasant relationship. You may miss the right one if you let fear keep you grounded in the wrong one. Relationships shouldn't be frightening, but pleasurable and fabulous.

Every relationship that does not work out is an opportunity for you to fine tune yourself by addressing your flaws. Even if it does work out, keep looking for ways to address your flaws and strengthen your erm erm strengths ;-/

NB: If you guys don't work out, that doesn't mean you have to become enemies. Some may be super childish about the situation as I have heard of. There's nothing stopping you from being friends, if not close friends.
So tell me, what relationship lessons have you learnt?

Love always,
Missy Tee.

Oh yeah! I'll leave you with one of my favourite songs - Jonathan McReynolds - I love you

I want a divorce.......She said

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Hey guys
Thanks for reading and commenting on my last blog post. I really enjoyed the book and when I do get the chance to read another book from start to finish, I'll let you all know.

So I said at the end of my previous post that this post will be about divorce. Well here it is;
NB: Some facts of the story have been changed such as age, years, gender, and blah di blah out of respect.
A couple who had four kids together. They had been married for over a decade and they seemed like a really close knit family. The wife was the "always want to be classy" type and didn't care at whose expense. She loved it, she wanted it, she got it. She was an upcoming entrepreneur. While the husband happened to be the "my wife is classy so I should be too" type. He was (always trying to keep) keeping up with her. He called her K-babes and all sorts of pet names that youths use these days. But we all seemed to notice that he was scared of her. He was a business analyst and worked in one of the big companies in the city but he quit his job a couple of years earlier because she told him to - SERIOUSLY???!!!. He had a pretty good income- well at least from how he looked, he looked like he did.

K-babes barely played the role of the wife. They barely ate a proper meal in the house as far as I knew at the time. They had things like thin-cut oven fries, chicken nuggets and juice...things like that. She was the type that once she heard about someone having a party, she would definitely have A LOT of takeaway packs. Classy ladies (in her own case) don't cook. To be honest, she was just a lazy wife, very proud and looked down on people greatly.

Back to the topic, we noticed that the wife began travelling out of the country a whole lot. She just always had a reason to be out. We did not really suspect any wrong doing because we thought "business was booming" so she had to be in China, Nigeria, USA, Peru, Trinidad and so on.
Suddenly, we noticed that her kids started looking unkempt. The man started wearing hideous clothes and looked more and more unkempt. He started going to people's houses with his kids just so they could get something to eat (Well a guy that can cook is definitely a keeper ha!) while K-babes was touring the world. All of a sudden, this man was told to withdraw from his role as Deacon in church and warned not to take on any ministerial tasks, along with his Mrs. Then it was made clear that he had been cheating, and his own type of cheating was 'communicating with his ex' without anyone knowing even his kids and Mrs. 

I thought to myself, please what is wrong with talking to your ex? I don't always see why people break up and become enemies, perhaps because I don't buy the idea that exes=enemies - life is too short! Anyways, that was the reason for the marriage shake-up.
The additional shocker - he had a child with this ex and no one knew. He did not tell K-babes even before they got married. K-babes returned to the country and went to every length to finish this man off, she stripped him of his car, right to his kids, house, ...everything. He had nada! She went as far as feeding her kids with ridiculous ideas about their dad that all 4 of them would say embarrassing things in public about their dad such as "he's a jerk, he left us, he ran away, he was hiding". There were times where she would go as far as calling the police to arrest him but there was really no offence for him to be arrested. He eventually moved out of the family house to an unknown location.

Good Read: The Book by T.D Jakes

Sunday, 7 September 2014

Hey lovelies

Thanks to everyone who commented on the last post. Glad we found it!
First I want to call some people out, Honeydame. Nonye, Gospel Girl ...just to name a few.
I was going to call out Cherrywine and Toin but they're back....
Chantel is also channelling her inner feminist ;-) - please visit her blog.

So this post is about my summer read. I started this unconsciously last year - the aim is to read at least a book during summer.

Last year I read The Return of The Runaway Bride authored by Donna Fasano. I enjoyed this book so much I went on and on and on about it to people and tried to get them to read the book. When I got to the end of the book, I was smiling hard. I love love stories.
I'm certain I'll still read this book sometime soon. It's that good.

So this year, I started reading a book at the beginning of the year - I still haven't finished the book right now. The book: Pictures of Lily authored by Paige Toon.

I do hope I get to finish this book sometime soon - I realised that its not a good idea to start a book when you OBVIOUSLY won't have the time to read it no matter how hard you try.

On Instagram, I saw pictures of T.D Jakes' new book called Instincts - The Power to Unleash Your Inborn Drive. I had to have it. Something about the book just seemed catchy. Anyway, I bought it and started reading it at the beginning of August and aimed to finish it at the end of August, sure I did finish it on the 31st, sometime in the evening. Chuffed!

This book has some interesting points that won't appeal to people who don't believe in reading 'self-help, religious self-help' books. T.D Jakes has a way of saying things that just makes you wonder or think deep even though what he might be saying may be an everyday topic.
I'm not going deep into the book here....go get and read it well. You can borrow my copy of the book, but you have to return it in very good and neat condition ha!
Some of the points I got from the book includes (in my own words);
- Being the very educated individual you are, you can describe a thing in full detail such as how you aim to win a contract -what strategy to use and all. But only your instincts can help you win the contract (tricky huh?) no matter how hard you use your intellect to describe it.
- Taking someone's silence as consent is a very unwise - Bishop Jakes used the word "unwise" and I kind of feel like he really wanted to say "foolish/silly" but was being very smart and professional
- He also explained that your thoughts should remain your thoughts and no one else's because it epitomises your being--who you are, what you stand for
- He also emphasised the need for people not to despise little beginnings, even when it involves moving out of your oh so comfort zone
Let me leave you with those....for now.

The second one hit me hard because sometimes when friends (for example) upset/annoy me, I might stay quiet but it doesn't mean that I'm pleased with what they did or I don't want to insult them badly. I just have my way of handling such...which might involve staying quiet (for a while) and then.....

The lion does not make so much noise when he is watching his prey....he stays quiet!
But when the lion does make noise, the entire kingdom recognises and bows to authority. Got that from a sermon I listened to.

So follow your instincts guys, don't rely on your degrees, knowledge and expertise because they may only be able to get you to a limited level, but not through the glass ceiling to the target.

Have a good week!


Stay safe.


PS. the next post might be about divorce. Got some question y'all might be able to help answer! Post soon.

Misplaced Document + Being Tourists

Saturday, 16 August 2014

Hello Everyone! Back again

Thanks to everyone who commented on my previous post - I'll keep you posted when I catch up with "Kelly" in a few weeks. I won't be surprised if they are actually dating now.

Right, I'll make this quick.
So I took a trip to Amsterdam weeks back. It was a quick one and I stayed indoors 75% of the time I was there. It was my first time visiting so I was really a newbie.

On arriving at there, I was wearing a cardi because I don't really trust the weather. Anyway, the weather nudged me! I was frying in my cardi, couldn't wait to pull it.
Got to the was it pretty?! All these rich people that stay in hotels constantly, now I really understand why you all want to live there for life. Once had a friend say to me, I love hotels hence why I am getting a job that would give me that 'luxury' - Good luck to that company!
I love yellow (to some extent) and the chairs and cushions were all yellow= Happy bunny.
I hated the pillow though, they felt like air!

Anyway, Le Sisto came that night to join us.
As soon as she walked in, she said "I can't find my travel doc". Panic mode over-activated.
We searched her bags over and over and over that night. She went back to the airport and no one seemed to understand. I made so many phone calls that night - I bet Skype was very happy and made a lot of profit.
I felt so bad for was just crazy! Her eyes were red.I already started searching for how to get a replacement. We left it in His hands that night.

Next morning, I was up super early and ready to get to the airport but others were TAKING THEIR TIME! I kept saying "come on, you guys"...but it seemed to fall to the ground. It felt like I was the one who misplaced the document and had to get it. Le Sisto started cracking jokes and being all funny and I had to do a double take.....was she really being funny when we couldn't find the document??
We finally left at almost 11am, and got to the airport. We started being detectives, trying to find this document. The Lord does work in mysterious ways- He kept it for us.
Le Sisto went to the police desk and explained to them, and this guy collected some ID, made a phone call, pronounced the last name in a ridiculously funny way but he was quite close to getting it right, and BOOM! He walked back out to us holding the document in his hand. We all yelled at that point, it was noisy trust me! We shook the place (okay maybe not). Thank You Jesus! You're the MAN (should have been You're the God right?  Ha!) (that was my anthem).
Now the theory at the time was: when she arrived, the officer that welcomed her, took the document for reasons we still can't crack. Oh well, the explanation is between him and God.
Finally we were able to "be" tourists, I didn't really enjoy their town centre though. It was TOOOOOO busy. Bought some souvenirs and a suitcase (I needed one and I'd searched over and over here but couldn't find one in my price range ;-) but I found one there so I went for it). Was tempted to buy clogs but I didn't - saw some cute ones.
How Cute: Source
Now we were starving so we stopped to by a foot long from Subway - let's just say it wasn't a very clean experience - they need a deep clean. It was HOT and busy so we went straight back to our room. The double decker train was soooooo clean and cute, I loved it. Big downer, their sockets are very different from ours and we didn't realise so we had to use the TV to charge our phones. It could only charge phones, not camcorders or any other gadget we had. So I couldn't take a lot of pictures on my phone.
The following day, we packed our bags and it was home time. It was an adventurous weekend.
Got here and it was cold, well I was cold at least - it's safe to say summer is gradually coming to an end. Its been raining cats and foxes (forget dogs) here.

I hope you guys are making the most of summer while you can.